Shit Does Happen

Eyyyy A.W. so I kind of like you, I kind of love yu and yea so love me back? Yea noooo. At this point I give up on men. They are the only thing that brings so much grief in my life. Too many times I'm like oh when I lose these 20 pounds and find me a man I'll be good. But I need to be good as I am right now. I have a Bachelor's degree, a great paying job with benefits, I can buy literally whatever I want, good health, man have God! Yes, God! It's hard to let him go but I must. Sanity gone. Security gone. Self confidence gone. Grief yes. Tears yes. Hate yes. It's all there and I'm going out of my mind for him. I was at my lowest in Seattle, and now it's like I can't be vulnerable I have to lock up my feelings and forget about them. Feelings only bring problems. I want to choke him and for him to cuddle me. It's nada now though. Time to give up. Oh September 17th, you were the worst day ever for me.

Welcome to a New Life!

Soo I have officially graduated college. I don't think I will digress much in this post but perhaps. Graduated and just arrived back from my travels abroad. I'm doing it seriously. Enjoying my life that is. So to me Welcome to a New Life!! No more books, studying, tests, useless teachers etc etc etc for some time. I'm back home with my parents and now that I've done everything i'm supposed to ( I did get a great paying job...), I want to do more of what I want. YouTube, Film production, nail art, more fun. Hmmm scares me a tad because I always have to come back to reality since I need stability. But I'm really getting to a great place in my life. My weight needs to change but after seeing what I could do last summer I KNOW I can get the body I want. Aside from that my life is about to be completely altered. Bills to pay, no more pressing issues from an organization I'm a part of. Just...life is about to set in. My friends, I wonder how this is going to work with my Black Nationalist attitude and their kind of "passive" ways I guess. This does puzzle me a bit as Alonzo pointed out would happen. We screamed Blackness and Amerikkka amongst my Black anteaters. But back home, I'm this Black "supremacist." My thoughts and beliefs are not radical. Simply the truth. America has done nothing for Black people that was not fought for. And no we should not have to fight for basic human rights. So people can hush with that bullshit. I'm at the point in my life I was so afraid of. Done with young adult years, I am officially an adult on July 20, the first day I start work and claim myself as independent. Crazy right?! 22 seemed so old before and here I am closer to 23 than 22. Just wow. I'm looking forward to an amazing life where I get down on the floor a few nights and just enjoy life. I really want to be freed. Like riding that scooter today, yea that feeling is amazing. I can't wait to redecorate my room and just finally do the shit I never had time to since I was so busy doing what I was supposed to do.